Past, Present, and PrecedentsIt’s currently 2:26 A.M. I think, that after 19 years of denial, I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I’m just more productive at night. Probably between the hours of 10 P.M and 2:00 AM, to be exact. So, theoretically, its past my prime time. But the juices are really flowing right now, so what better way to spend the Sunday before finals week than racking up sleep debt while furiously filling up this blank word document? This post actually has nothing to do with sleep, productivity, or writing, which is probably reflective of the fact that it’s past my 4-hour golden time. Or maybe I’m just slipping into justificational disclaimers at this point?
So, around 1:30 A.M, as I was finishing up an assignment for my communications class where we had to analyze a persuasive speech, I fell into the black hole that is TED.com. I started out watching the one persuasive speaker I was analyzing, but it’s hard to stop when there are so many click bait-esque Ted talks waiting for you. It was much like a downward YouTube spiral but much more intellectually stimulating, thankfully. So, between 1:32 A.M. and now, I stumbled across a lot of really inspiring people, which led to a bunch of intriguing thoughts about persuasive speaking, apathy, and advice. And this one talk about what adults can learn from children brought back a lot memories of what I was like in elementary and middle school, and how much I’ve changed throughout the years. Throughout elementary/middle school, I was shameless. Well, mostly. I still had the basic decency to be a put-together human being, but in terms of my personality, I think I’d be justified in saying that I was unapologetically and authentically myself. Middle school is rough for a lot of people, but I literally had the time of my life. Looking back, I didn’t really sweat the little things, and I was open about my thoughts and feelings. I was outspoken, and honestly kind of extra. If I wanted to answer a question in class, I would go for it. If I felt like laughing really loud, I didn’t hesitate. And if I felt like breaking down because someone had just hurt my feelings, I did just that. But as time went on, I started getting a little muted. I was at the point in my life where I was just becoming more aware of things. Like, the fact that sometimes I was the loudest one in the room, or maybe the quietest one in the room. The fact that I was a minority, specifically an Asian girl in a predominantly white school. The fact that I raised my hand too often, or maybe not enough. I started asking myself questions that weren’t even concerns before. They ranged from simple things like, “Am I being annoying in this situation right now?” “Should I be wearing makeup?” to “Was opening up about personal stuff okay?” ‘How do other people view me?” and sometimes to “Was my race a hindrance in getting to know my actual personality?”. Fast forward to high school. I developed this habit of looking for precedents in order to personally justify my actions. If I saw someone that I could relate to doing something, I felt more comfortable doing it myself. For example, if I saw a girl my age/race/gender giving a speech on a YouTube video, I felt like I could follow what she did simply because she had set a realistically re-creatable precedent for me. The negative aspect of this mindset is that I couldn’t set my own precedents and always looked to others to do it first. Fast forward to now. In college, I’ve begun to strike a healthy balance between middle school me and high school me. Part of it stems from the fact that I came into college with a very different attitude. I still remember the first day of 6th grade—the excitement, confidence, and vicarious optimism as I walked into the brown-brick building that would be my home away from home. In high school, I started day 1 already super focused on the end goal of college, GPA, career, success, etc. And for some reason, I thought that in order to achieve that, I needed to sacrifice personality traits and interests that were fundamental to my character. Coming into college was an interesting life-shift for me. I was done trying to be someone I wasn’t (as cliché that sounds) and figured that if some people didn’t like me, I was bound to find my niche somewhere on a campus of 40,000 people. So far, that mentality has worked out well for me, and I genuinely believe that people who do unprecedented things, have unprecedented personalities, and are authentically themselves, draw people to them easily, are more interesting, and have more fulfilling lives. And I guess that’s sort the end goal, because I want to gain back the voice of that outspoken, unabashedly confident 13 year old girl who wasn’t afraid that she would sound too loud, too stereotypical, too female, too smart, too…unprecedented.
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Yes, I am transfering. Here's why.Last year, at 11:00 A.M. on May 1st (AKA the deadline to enroll in college) I still didn’t know where I was going to college. The past couple months had been a rollercoaster, to say the least. For some people, the decision of which college to attend was a simple one, and I am genuinely envious of those who had that luxury. For me however, I felt trapped in a paralyzing cycle of reasoning that always led me back to square one. To make an incredibly long story short, with 90 minutes left until the enrollment deadline, I ended up sending my deposit and SIR to UCLA. In the 9ish months since that day, I’ve learned a lot about myself and realized what I truly want in my education. So here is my public announcement that has been on the DL for quite some time now: I’m transferring! I know this is probably a shock to some and a not-so-shock to others. From the former, I usually get the following reaction when I tell them I’m leaving UCLA for Minerva. “Wait. What?! Meeeegannn. But whyyyy? What didn’t you like about UCLA?” “Also, what is Minerva?” So, this post is an attempt to answer all these questions in a semi-coherent, informative, and hopefully not-obscenely-long manner. The short answer to the first question is that I actually really liked UCLA. It’s an incredible institution that I’ve had the privilege of attending. However, I will say there are some things that are inefficient about the school. To name a few specifically: Soaring tuition costs that are not allocated very well, ineffective lectures with 300+ people, lack of individualized resources, the culture of cramming for tests, the disconnect between class material and real-world application. That being said; cumulatively, it wasn’t particularly about the fact that UCLA was "bad", but more about the things that Minerva had that were a better fit for me. So now to answer the second question: Minerva—AKA Minerva Schools at KGI—is an innovative university made for the 21st century. It is accredited under the Keck Graduate Institute, which is part of the Claremont Colleges. Minerva selects students based on their own tests that gage creativity, critical thinking, and future potential, not standardized test scores or factors like legacy/financial status. During my 4 years, I will be living and learning in 7 different countries around the world: San Francisco, Seoul, Hyderabad, Berlin, Buenos Aires, London, and Taipei respectively. Classes, which were developed upon the science of learning, are conducted online through live active seminars with a maximum of 18 people. There are no exams at Minerva and students are graded on class interaction, assignments, and projects. Minerva has the most diverse student body of any university with only 20% of the students from the United States and students from over 50 different countries. With an acceptance rate of 1.9%, it is the most selective undergraduate program in the U.S. (Honestly don’t know how I made this cut, but I’m so grateful and humbled for this opportunity.) At the end of the day, Minerva isn’t for everyone and it has its flaws and benefits just like the traditional college system. As for me, I’m taking this opportunity because I want to learn in more effective ways and learn more practical things. I want to travel the world and use the city as my campus—do real things in the community not just study the theories. I want to take risks and live boldly and would rather regret taking this chance than not taking it. I want to be challenged in classes and be evaluated on measures other than my ability to memorize things. I want to join extraordinary cohort of people and become an agent in revolutionizing the future higher education. To everyone I’ve met so far at UCLA: Thank you so much for making my experience wonderful. Even if we didn’t get to know each other very well, you made a small yet positive impact in my life and I’m very grateful for that. I’ve felt so accepted in the UCLA community and I’m really really sad that I’ll be leaving early. Best of luck to everyone and I hope to keep in touch! <3 Article about Minerva published in Business Insider: If you’re interested in learning more about or applying to Minerva click below. (There’s no cost to submit an application and it’s actually kind of a fun/neat process)
Well, its over. I’d say 2016 has been a pretty crazy year. In the past 365 days, I went to Korea. Twice. I graduated high school, decided on where to go to college, moved to LA, and turned 19. Nineteen. NINETEEN. I had In-N-Out for the first time, went camping with PANTZ, and finally jumped on that iPhone band wagon.
In other news, Brexit happened. Pandas escaped the endangered animals list. South Korea Impeached their president. Leo finally won an Oscar. Hamilton freaking slayed the musical world. Donald Trump was elected. Fidel Castro died, as did Pokémon GO. And then somewhere along the way, 2016 was dubbed “the worst year ever.” But the general consensus right now (me included) is that 2017 will be better… And while I realize that the beginning of a new socially constructed calendar year will not suddenly change things (which is why I’m not a huge fan of New Year’s Resolutions), this year, I want to really focus on prioritizing the things that matter. Such as: Friends/Family and the relationships I have with them. My life aspirations. Developing a relationship with myself. Becoming closer to Christ. Learning new things. Being healthy. And having the courage to focus on the “why.” Not things like: The latest iPhone. My nail polish color. Mindless YouTube surfing. How acquaintances perceive me. Or superficial, materialistic things. So to end this essay turned listicle, cheers to 2017. (Candy shops, city lights, and five green boxes.)A PANTZ trip has been way overdue. This time, the four of us hit the road to the mile high city. Lolli and Pop’s: A candy store that we spent way too long in. The entire place was so incredibly aesthetic that these pictures don’t even begin to do it justice. Stella’s coffee shop: Cozy and hip with on point décor. My beautiful spinsters. Five Green Boxes: A shop on Pearl Street filled with overpriced baubles, orphic postcards, and freshly-patented silicon gizmos. The lights, a German Christmas market, and the chilly Denver air. A few spontaneous purchases, a scrollable amount of instagram-worthy photos, and a couple frustrating drivers later, we were back in the Springs.
(College, more college, and the process)10 weeks ago, my college journey began. Well, it was more like a year ago if you count application season. Actually, maybe it was more like two years ago if you count studying for the ACT. Okay so it was really more like fifteen years ago when my Aunt first asked me where I wanted to go to college. Point being, college always loomed in the distant horizon as some major life event, in which I envisioned myself being super cool, having really pretty hair, and basically having no crucial problems to deal with because I had reached level 1 of self-actualization.
So here I am, having gone through my first quarter of college, realizing that those three odd expectations were kinda, not really true at all. (Granted, that also depends on how you define cool.) Super long introduction aside, September 13th marked my official start of this new adventure. I finished up some last-minute packing, looked around my emptyish room one last time, and headed to DIA. I remember waving goodbye to my parents, surprised at the sudden watering in my eyes as I turned away. I guess this is what bittersweet excitement feels like. After the 2-hour flight, I got off at LAX and then called an Uber to campus. The Uber driver happened to be a middle-aged Korean man, who struck up a really friendly conversation with me on the ride over. Though, I was only half listening because I was watching the Los Angeles scenery unfold outside the window. I watched the palm trees and glitzy shops whiz by with a bit of a childlike fascination. I mean, I never get to see palm trees in Colorado. When I finally got to campus, the driver helped me unload my bags and wished me good luck. The first week (zero week), no one has class, so it was a week full of meeting new people and staying out until 3 A.M with friends that I had just met. On September 22nd, classes started. And after that, everything is pretty much one intense, crazy exciting blur. It would take pages to write of all the experiences that I’ve had over during the quarter, so here’s a snippet of it. I got lucky and had the best two roommates I could have ever asked for and I made friends pretty quickly through being a move-in assistant and through KASA (Korean American Student Association.) I stayed up later than I ever have before. (Technically only 4:30 A.M and I still have yet to pull an all nighter.) I hiked to the Hollywood sign, spent all my money on food and uber, and visited LACMA. I got a job as a receptionist and spent my first paycheck way too fast. Midterm season came and went, just like my level of stress. Lectures were sometimes mind-blowing, but at times very boring. I wrote papers, took tests, and realized that I’m not exempt from the freshman 15. I took a lot of photos and posted a lot of snapchats (Mainly of food, of course.) I walked an average of 10,000 steps a day and got super tired just walking home from class (At UCLA, it's leg day every day.) I joined band. (No surprise there.) I had some amazing TA’s and great class discussions. I missed my parents, my friends, and my car. I missed seeing Pikes Peak and Buddy every morning. Soon, it was Turkey season. Thanksgiving was a blissful blur and then finals season hit me hard and unexpectedly. I took some more tests, wrote some more papers, and celebrated the end of the quarter with a heaping cup of gelato. And just like that, my first quarter was over. Throughout these 10 weeks, I’ve learned a lot about political theory, poetry analysis, and carbohydrates, but on the last day of class, my life science teacher said something that really summed up my feelings throughout quarter. This is a very condensed version, but basically he told us that if we attempt to reach happiness as an end goal, we will never reach it. Rather, happiness is progress. When we strive to reach our goals, that process is what makes us truly happy and satisfied in life. So, unlike my childhood expectations, no, college was not level one of self-actualization. But it’s been a process—a really amazing, enriching, stressful yet happy, process. (LACMA, Oceans, and UCLA’s A+ dining hall food)A while ago, some friends and I went to LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art). We got up pretty early for a Saturday morning, called a couple Ubers, and set off. After a little bit of a mishap trying to meet up with everyone, we finally got in line for tickets. The first building we went to had this huge black sculpture that covered the entire lobby of the building. We walked around some of the rooms around it and then headed to this giant interactive installation that looked like spaghetti noodles. (Picture below) As we walked around to the different exhibits, I realized that the scale of this museum was huge. I guess I was expecting it to be a lot smaller. My friends, who are all mostly from California, love to make fun of me for being fascinated with things in LA because they think Colorado is a barren land with nothing interesting. When we went to Santa Monica beach a couple weeks earlier, I was super pumped to see the ocean which they though was hilarious… because its “just the ocean.” (Yeah I’m talking about you P$ and Tim.) But what do you expect from someone who has lived in landlocked states their entire life?? I’m always overly pumped to see the ocean. After looking at a lot of different exhibits, we stumbled upon this hands-on painting thing for kids and decided to try it. Here is our beautiful artwork (first picture): The final “exhibit” we looked at was those famous white lamps that have kind of become the museum’s staple image. We took A BUNCH of pictures and Facebook got to see a lot of them. We stopped by Chipotle afterwards, which was the first time I’ve had it in L.A. Thank goodness for franchise restaurants. Okay, so in a really rapid topic change…. I just have to write about the quality of the dining halls at UCLA. Though nobody is going to choose a college based on food, I think it could be the tipping point. The food here is actually amazing. Which is great. But also not good for my freshman 15 count. Overall, college has been great. And I’m very in love with L.A. Seriously, I would kill to have this kind of weather year round.
(So far...)Waking up at 11 AM. Having only one class. Actually eating breakfast because school doesn’t start at 7:45.
This is college. Staying up till 3 AM with friends talking about life, face swapping on snapchat, and procrastinating on homework. This is college. Questioning how it’s already midterm season. Freaking out about midterms. Studying. Thinking I know the material. Getting the midterm back. Being in denial about my score. This is college. Not having a curfew. Eating junk food. Drinking 32oz of boba at 10 P.M. Realizing I'm not exempt from the freshman 15. Trying to diet. Failing. Trying to work out. Semi-failing. This is college. Spending way too much money. Buying things I don’t need. Refusing to check my bank account. Getting paid for the first time. Spending it way too fast. This is college. Walking to Westwood. Admiring the city. Staring at the Hollywood sign from an Uber as it slowly pans out of view. Ubers. Everywhere. This is college. Diddy Ries. Spontaneous Target trips. This is college. Reading. Reading. More reading. Not taking math classes. Getting my mind blown in lecture. Being amazed at how smart people are. Feeling small. Feeling insignificant. This is college. Just enjoying the ride. Because nothing lasts forever. This is college. (Poetry Post)I woke up with
Excitement in my heart. Vivacity In my wrists, A buzzing in my fingertips And opportunity flashing like memories In my mind. Like slats of light coloring the dashboard When I used to drive late at night. Illuminating the what ifs and pherhapses Creating the I haves and remember whens. These images colored the Inside of my eyelids as I cozied further into the sheets. My tired lips and fuzzy eyes Smiling at the possibilities. (No, not like the science)Dear Forensics,
Or, should I say Speech and Debate? After all, that is your new official name after the National Football League thought it would be okay to copy right "NFL" even though the National Forensics League came first. So. Dear Speech and Debate, Remember when we first met? I was an awkward, somewhat shy, scrawny, Asian 7th grader who just happened to stumble across a poster advertising you. Who knew that would become the start of a 5 year adventure together? From that day on until my senior year of high school, we've made a lot of memories together. And I just wanted to say... Thank You For Helping Me Overcome My Fear of Public Speaking When I first met you, I wasn't necessarily terrified of public speaking, but I was far from being able to confidently get up in front of a crowd and state my opinions.... let alone enjoy it. But now, years later, I find myself writing that speaking has become a passion of mine. Thank You for Believing In Me I'll admit, my first speech was a little terrible, but you never once gave up on me. When I didn't make the cut for finals, you didn't discourage or reject me, all you did was simply provide me with more opportunities—more practices, more tournaments, and a reassurance that one day I would walk across that stage with a trophy in hand. And because of that, I never gave up on you... and I'm very glad I didn't. You Taught Me About Grit, How To Suck It Up, And How to Be Tough I remember very well the times that I stayed up until 2 AM researching legislation the day before a student congress meet, the times when I came out of a round in tears because my positions had just been attacked, and the times my face burned red in embarrassment because of the question I'd been unable to answer. But all these things helped me to become stronger, and, in hindsight, a much better speaker. Thank You For Giving Me The Best Moment of My Life Do you remember March 5th? It was a Saturday. The day of the NatQuals Tournament. Though I seemed calm and collected on the outside, I was actually kind of a mess on the inside. After a grueling 24ish hours of physically being at the tournament, 5+ hours of competing, and barely getting to eat because postings were so unpredictable... I was exhausted, and to be honest, my hopes for qualifying for Nationals were pretty low. Everyone at the tournament was incredible. When they finally announced that the awards ceremony would start, I wearily trudged into the auditorium with my equally exhausted teammates and sat down. Soon it was time for the Original Oratory finalist to go on stage, so I straightened up and walked up the wooden stairs—the sound of applause drowning out the clicking of my high heels. They started with 6th place. (Only the top 2 would qualify.) When they got to 4th place, I was about ready to step out and receive my participation ribbon. But they didn't call my name. "And 3rd place goes to..." At this point, I put on my I'm-just-happy-I-made-it-this-far smile and waited for my name. But it didn’t come. The next moment was the best out of all my 19 years of life. The announcer started, "In second place, and qualifying for the National Tournament..." And that's when the tears started. I have never ever cried tears of joy but on that small, dimly-lit stage, in front of an audience of hundreds of tired speech and debate kids, tears of joy, relief, and disbelief streamed down my face. I don't even remember getting my plaque and walking down the stage. I just remember hugging my coach, who was also crying, looking at a bunch of slightly-concerned, smiling teammates, and pegging this moment as the best. Ever. Period. My Life Would Be So Different Without You Though I got butterflies in my stomach on the morning of every tournament, and spent endless hours researching and writing speeches, it was definitely all worth it. A fellow forensics teammate of mine once told me that, "forensics was both a blessing and a curse." And I'd have to say... in many aspects, that is pretty accurate. But when I think about it, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I'm Sorry I Drifted From You Forgive me for the year when I only interacted with you every couple months. I was scared that I wasn't good enough—questioning if I would ever achieve my dream of qualifying for Nationals, or be able to win a congress round. I was tired of writing speeches and piling up mountains of research on Google Docs. But mostly, I just forgot how much I loved you until I realized how much I missed you. So Forensics, I thank you for everything. I'll cherish every moment we spent together. For now, it's time for you to go make some new friends. :) Sincerely, -Megan P.S I hope you know that you are terrible at starting on time. Like seriously, you need to get it together. Ordinary
I watched as the city came into view. Slowly, and then all at once. A giddiness that I still miss Engulfed me. Walking down the damp sidewalk With cars streaming my peripheral I held my breath as invisible smoke curled into my vulnerable nose. What a beautiful feeling I think to myself To be ordinary. To be a rock in the middle of a Flowing river. A brief diversion Before the world returns to its order -MYC |
About MeThanks for visiting my blog! My name is Megan, I work in Marketing and I graduated as part of Minerva's class of 2021. Enjoy a collage of reflections, poetry, and late-night thoughts. Archives
October 2023
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